Home Again, Home Again, Jiggity Jig

I have been home in the US for a week now. My body seems to be acclimated to this time zone and life is going on as usual; but I am different. I have not really figured out how I am different, just that I am. I am a bit restless and not sure what that means. Perhaps it is just that I was removed from my life for a few weeks and had some out of the ordinary experiences, and I just have to some how assimilate them into my understanding of who I am and move on. I have to admit that I have some guilt that I didn't do enough while in Malawi. I feel as though I took more home with me than I gave. I feel fuller, yet there is room for more in my heart. I guess the more I love the more capacity I have for love. I'd like to tell a story of one of the days at a village. It was one of the most memorable experiences from the trip and probably is the reason I feel I took more away with me than I gave.


It was the third day in Malawi and we were scheduled to have a work day at the village near Christ Cares Ministries. I was really looking forward to meeting the folks from the ministry and getting my hands dirty. When we arrived there I heard one of the most beautiful sounds I think I have ever heard in my life. It was of the children singing songs to Jesus. Their voices were rich and welcoming and so pure. I wanted to close my eyes and just listen. My eyes filled with tears of joy that I felt obliged to hold back.  I began to hear harmonies intertwined among the melodies and I was intrigued, because to attain such a sound with children in my part of the world, would take a lot of work, yet these children seemed to do it effortlessly. As I came closer to the singing, I could not only hear their energy, but feel it as well. They were moving to the rhythm of the music and singing with all their hearts. Their faces were joyous and I was pleased at how happy they appeared. This must be what heaven is like, I thought.

The walk to the village was wonderful too. I loved the beautiful landscape and glimpse into the lives of these dear people. It was surreal I am sure because the reality that I was not in Pennsylvania anymore had set in, yet in some ways I felt like I was just a few miles away from home. Strange isn't it? I thanked God for this experience during the walk to the home in the village we were going to repair. I thanked him for this opportunity and for his provision.

As we arrived at the home  I was eager to get going and building a roof. I started out lifting and moving piles of bamboo as instructed. Then I began breaking pieces of plastic tie so that the bamboo could be attached to make the roof. I felt out of place, like I didn't quite know what to do. I work best when someone gives me a job and I can carry it out. I like being a part of something that makes a whole, but in this instance I couldn't figure out my part. As I plugged along many of the children from the village appeared and were glad to see our group. They were weaving in and out of the workers and in some instances in a bit of danger. I decided to call them over to the side, and although there was a language barrier, they seemed to understand what I was asking them to do. I was also joined by some of the ladies on our trip. I started singing a song and after a verse they children began singing with me. After the first verse they began singing in harmonies. Each voice was perfectly in tune and full. As we continued to sing I began making variations to the song using my body. They got the hang of it and so the song got softer and louder and slower and faster. I got the sense they could have sang the verse for 15 minutes and not have been bored with the tune. I then knew what my job was, but it didn't' seem fair that I was having so much fun.

I recalled attending a Music Therapy workshop where we were taught a simple melody and asked to keep singing it for quite some time. There were different parts to the song and some of the parts were sustaining a note that supported the melody. The instructor told us to keep with it past the feeling of wanting to stop. She said that it is in the uncomfortable part of the song that we grow and can see into ourselves. My reflection was that in my culture I am encouraged to move on to the next and greatest thing. If a problem isn't solved quickly than perhaps it cant be solved. But the reality is that some times problems take a long time to solve, and in the solution there are feelings of discomfort, but in the end, if you stick to it, there is resolution and insight. Albert Einstein is quoted as saying, " It is not that I am smart; it is just that I stick with problems longer." I've always liked that quote.

So perhaps I just have to stick with these feelings that I took more from Malawi than I gave, and go through the uncomfortable part to get to the lesson. I just hope in the mean time that those beautiful voices and smiles from the children will forever remain in my memory, as I move through understanding how I am different, and becoming the best version of me that I can be for His glory and for those I love. I think too that I have learned that working hard doesn't always have to hurt; especially if it is a job I was created to do. I guess until recently I equated working hard with discomfort, but maybe that is because I wasn't doing the job I was supposed to be doing. I'm going to sustain these thoughts a bit longer until they resolve into an answer. To God be the glory.

Reflections from the Plane

18 July 2011
We are on the plane and about 2 hours from New York, I am listening to the song Brave, by Nicole Nordeman and thinking of the children of Malawi that I met. Those children made me want to be brave. Before meeting them and this mission trip I was living in a bit of fear and anxiety...worrying about things I had no control over and fretting from time to time. Now thanks to Gods grace and having the courage to step outside of my comfort zone I faced uncertainty and begin  away from my family. I braved dangerous car rides, dirty hands and runny noses, coughs...strange and different foods, micro organisms that I am defenseless against...I just now realized that I was and am, indeed brave. To tell the truth I can't believe that I left my comfortable world and had the courage to be the hands and feet of Jesus to the poor and defenseless children that I met. I am so blessed to have had this opportunity and privilege to tell their story.

My church is brave too. The bible verse, Luke 20:48 "When someone has been given much, much will be required in return; and when someone has been entrusted with much, even more will be required," comes to mind. Giving to build this orphanage is the "much required" and the fact that NHUMC did not neglect the call of the needy, and respond in love with food, housing  and clothing is something brave. By continuing to support these ministries and leaders we are dong the "much required." Don't stop being brave; for I have come to realize that doing without so that others can have is a requirement of God that takes bravery. Don't stop reaching out across the globe and in our community to comfort the lives of the less fortunate. Indeed, we are all blessed equally by God, rich or poor, clothed or without clothes, but our needs are not necessarily the same. At least that is my reflection this morning as the sun rises over the ocean below and I reflect on the words of this song playing in my ears.

Be brave.

Amy

Brave
(Nichole Nordeman, Jay Joyce)
For Charlie, who rearranged my fearful heart.

The gate is wide
The road is paved in moderation
The crowd is kind and quick to pull you in
Welcome to the middle ground
You're safe and sound and
Until now it's where I've been

'Cause it's been fear that ties me down to everything
But it's been love, Your love, that cuts the strings

So long status quo
I think I just let go
You make me want to be brave
The way it always was
Is no longer good enough
You make me want to be brave
Brave, brave

I am small
And I speak when I'm spoken to
But I am willing to risk it all
I say Your name
Just Your name and I'm ready to jump
Even ready to fall...

Why did I take this vow of compromise?
Why did I try to keep it all inside?

So long status quo
I think I just let go
You make me want to be brave
The way it always was
Is no longer good enough
You make me want to be brave
Brave, brave

I've never known a fire that didn't begin with a flame
Every storm will start with just a drop of rain
But if you believe in me
That changes everything
So long, I'm gone

So long status quo
I think I just let go
You make me want to be brave
I wanna be brave
The way it always was
Is no longer good enough
You make me want to be brave
Brave, brave

Only a Week Away

I thought I would be more disciplined about writing, but then I got distracted. It is a week until I begin the later part of this journey to Malawi. For some reason over the past few weeks I have actually been distancing myself emotionally from the trip. I am not completely sure why, but I suspect that I am missing my family already, and if I put the trip to the back of my mind, then I won't think about missing my family so much. I have never left them for such a length of time and I really wish they could tag along. But this is a journey for me and the team and God has His plan in motion.

I feel as if I am on a roller coaster ride and the car is climbing its way up the rail. When one gets on a roller coaster, the car slowly moves up the rail the tension and aticipation increases, and whether you want to get off the car or not, you are faced with the crest and then the long way down, the thrill or terror of the ride. It takes a good measure of faith and trust in the car and track to get on a roller coaster and go on the ride. Well for me it takes a lot of trust and faith to travel to a foreign country. I am content to send others on missions and I am not an adventurous person. But I knew that God wanted me to go to Malawi, and although I am anxious about the ride, I know that I can put my trust in God and that He will see me to the end. The ride has already begun and soon the car will crest and the thrill part of the ride will begin.

What I have learned is that God continually asks us if we trust Him. He says, "Do you trust me Amy? Do you really trust me or do you think you have a better plan?" I want to say, "Yes Lord, of course I trust you." But the reality is that sometimes I lack that trust and do things my own way. I guess we all do that.

"Trust and obey for there is no other way to be happy in Jesus than to trust and obey." The words of this hymn are so right on. If I were to say no to God and would have chosen not listen to Him and not go to Malawi because of my fears and insecurities, then I know I would not be happy. I would be feeling regret and wondering what I would be missing. So although I have anxiety and reservations and sometimes feel like I am not trusting as much as I could; I know deep down that I had to trust and obey His plan for me. For that is the source of my peace.

I am really excited to meet the boys from Safe Haven and share my love for them with a hug and a song. I know that my presence there will bring them hope and reassurance that they are not alone and that God does love them. I am excited to bring back stories and share with others what I have seen, heard, tasted, and smelled, because I know if they can feel what I felt while on this trip they will want to do something too. But I have come to realize that this trip was for my benefit too.  God wanted to heal me in some areas and help me to trust Him more; of this I am convinced. I have more to share, but I will write about that later.

Thank you for supporting me in prayer or otherwise. I am grateful for faithful friends and for your encouragement. Be blessed always in all ways.

Community School Concert

Today at the Community Music School there was a wonderful concert performed by the Vivace String Academy. All of the students performed beautifully and it was a real treat to listen and watch some of the students that I have know since they were 4 years old. They are 15 now. Wow time does fly. During the concert I had the opportunity to share about my trip and asked for donations to help me with my travel expenses and supplies. To my delight $103 dollars was raised today. Some people took flyers I had made and are planning on sending donations to my church. I am so thankful and humbled by peoples desire to reach into their pockets for this endeavor. Yes, it is all very humbling.

A Nice Visit Withe Malawi Fellows/Interns

The last few weeks have been very full. I have been shopping for the trip as well as getting supplies ready for making the musical instruments. Since I will be gone a long time between vacation and Malawi, I have been working on getting things in order for next years classes too. I haven 't sat down much or rested, but last evening and today offered the opportunity to get to know some amazing people. The Malawian fellows and interns from Urban Promise came our way last evening and we had a lovely time of fellowship at a friends house. The kids in the group as well as the fellows played a good round or three of Soccer and it was so much fun to watch them play with skill. Today we hung out at another house and had a BBQ and many swam.

Two of the young women came to stay at our house for the evening and they got the chance to sleep in and relax. We had a late breakfast and chatted for quite some time and I loved every minute of it.One of the gals said something so interesting. When she first came here to the states she was so taken back by the speed of life. It seemed as though people were being rude by not taking the time to get to know her or talk to her. After awhile she realized that they were not being rude, but simply going about life as they knew it in this faster paced culture of the north eastern part of the USA.

I must say that I often reflect upon the fact that we are all in such a hurry to get things done and checking items off of lists that we forget to stop and rest and just be. After all we are humanBEINGS. As much as I enjoyed the party last night and the party today, I really treasured the few hours talking with my new friends from Malawi. I am so excited to go and see the places they told me about and to meet the people they have mentioned. In a month from now I will be in Africa. The time is going so quickly.

A Fund Raising Suprise

I just wanted to share something great that happened this week. On Thursday I went to my children's music school, Community Music School in Trappe, PA, and stopped in to speak with the director, Edwina French. I gave her one of my support letters and told her that I wanted to share with her what I would be doing with the children while in Malawi. I told her that I would be sharing music with them and making instruments with them.

As Edwina and I spoke she  she mentioned that since both my children had been involved with the Suzuki program at the school for over 10 years, she said that at the next Suzuki concert on June 12th I could take 5 minutes to share with the audience about my trip and that she would promote having two baskets at the entrance of the door to accept at will offerings for my trip.

Wow, here I was just stopping by to let her know what one of the parents of the students was going to be doing in the world with music and talk music, and she responded with fund raising advice. She was very encouraging and I feel confident that this event will bring in funds that we can use to put towards supplies that we will need for our arts and crafts and instrument making.

I have been walking with the Lord since I was a child, and still He continues to amaze me with his goodness and provision. I am very thankful for the opportunity to serve the Lord in this capacity.

 This photo is of the Community Music School in Trappe where both my children have been taking music lessons for the past 10-11 years. Thank you CMS for supporting my endeavor!

Malawi or Bust

Well this is my first blog about Malawi. I've blogged before for Spark People, but this is somehow different. I wonder who would want to read my words or if they will be interesting, but I do want to share my journey with those who want to follow....so here it goes.


This has been an incredible experience for me so far. It amazes me how generous people are and how contagious giving really is. I have had several donations for my trip that came from unexpected places and individuals. I am very humbled and thankful. Those donations really are a confirmation to me that I am headed down the right track.

On Sunday my church raised 40k+ to build the orphanage for the 16 boys. How exciting and wonderful is that? It amazes me how every time a need arises at my church people rally and meet the need. God is so good and it seems his people like to thank Him through their generosity.

On Wednesday I will see the travel doctor and get my many shots. Hopefully all will go well there. It is just one more step towards the trip. I kind of feel like I am on a game board and each meeting with the team or milestone in the trip is a step forward on the board. I suppose that is a strange way to think about things, but none the less, for today how I am feeling.

Thanks for reading.
Until next time,
Amy