Home Again, Home Again, Jiggity Jig

I have been home in the US for a week now. My body seems to be acclimated to this time zone and life is going on as usual; but I am different. I have not really figured out how I am different, just that I am. I am a bit restless and not sure what that means. Perhaps it is just that I was removed from my life for a few weeks and had some out of the ordinary experiences, and I just have to some how assimilate them into my understanding of who I am and move on. I have to admit that I have some guilt that I didn't do enough while in Malawi. I feel as though I took more home with me than I gave. I feel fuller, yet there is room for more in my heart. I guess the more I love the more capacity I have for love. I'd like to tell a story of one of the days at a village. It was one of the most memorable experiences from the trip and probably is the reason I feel I took more away with me than I gave.


It was the third day in Malawi and we were scheduled to have a work day at the village near Christ Cares Ministries. I was really looking forward to meeting the folks from the ministry and getting my hands dirty. When we arrived there I heard one of the most beautiful sounds I think I have ever heard in my life. It was of the children singing songs to Jesus. Their voices were rich and welcoming and so pure. I wanted to close my eyes and just listen. My eyes filled with tears of joy that I felt obliged to hold back.  I began to hear harmonies intertwined among the melodies and I was intrigued, because to attain such a sound with children in my part of the world, would take a lot of work, yet these children seemed to do it effortlessly. As I came closer to the singing, I could not only hear their energy, but feel it as well. They were moving to the rhythm of the music and singing with all their hearts. Their faces were joyous and I was pleased at how happy they appeared. This must be what heaven is like, I thought.

The walk to the village was wonderful too. I loved the beautiful landscape and glimpse into the lives of these dear people. It was surreal I am sure because the reality that I was not in Pennsylvania anymore had set in, yet in some ways I felt like I was just a few miles away from home. Strange isn't it? I thanked God for this experience during the walk to the home in the village we were going to repair. I thanked him for this opportunity and for his provision.

As we arrived at the home  I was eager to get going and building a roof. I started out lifting and moving piles of bamboo as instructed. Then I began breaking pieces of plastic tie so that the bamboo could be attached to make the roof. I felt out of place, like I didn't quite know what to do. I work best when someone gives me a job and I can carry it out. I like being a part of something that makes a whole, but in this instance I couldn't figure out my part. As I plugged along many of the children from the village appeared and were glad to see our group. They were weaving in and out of the workers and in some instances in a bit of danger. I decided to call them over to the side, and although there was a language barrier, they seemed to understand what I was asking them to do. I was also joined by some of the ladies on our trip. I started singing a song and after a verse they children began singing with me. After the first verse they began singing in harmonies. Each voice was perfectly in tune and full. As we continued to sing I began making variations to the song using my body. They got the hang of it and so the song got softer and louder and slower and faster. I got the sense they could have sang the verse for 15 minutes and not have been bored with the tune. I then knew what my job was, but it didn't' seem fair that I was having so much fun.

I recalled attending a Music Therapy workshop where we were taught a simple melody and asked to keep singing it for quite some time. There were different parts to the song and some of the parts were sustaining a note that supported the melody. The instructor told us to keep with it past the feeling of wanting to stop. She said that it is in the uncomfortable part of the song that we grow and can see into ourselves. My reflection was that in my culture I am encouraged to move on to the next and greatest thing. If a problem isn't solved quickly than perhaps it cant be solved. But the reality is that some times problems take a long time to solve, and in the solution there are feelings of discomfort, but in the end, if you stick to it, there is resolution and insight. Albert Einstein is quoted as saying, " It is not that I am smart; it is just that I stick with problems longer." I've always liked that quote.

So perhaps I just have to stick with these feelings that I took more from Malawi than I gave, and go through the uncomfortable part to get to the lesson. I just hope in the mean time that those beautiful voices and smiles from the children will forever remain in my memory, as I move through understanding how I am different, and becoming the best version of me that I can be for His glory and for those I love. I think too that I have learned that working hard doesn't always have to hurt; especially if it is a job I was created to do. I guess until recently I equated working hard with discomfort, but maybe that is because I wasn't doing the job I was supposed to be doing. I'm going to sustain these thoughts a bit longer until they resolve into an answer. To God be the glory.

Reflections from the Plane

18 July 2011
We are on the plane and about 2 hours from New York, I am listening to the song Brave, by Nicole Nordeman and thinking of the children of Malawi that I met. Those children made me want to be brave. Before meeting them and this mission trip I was living in a bit of fear and anxiety...worrying about things I had no control over and fretting from time to time. Now thanks to Gods grace and having the courage to step outside of my comfort zone I faced uncertainty and begin  away from my family. I braved dangerous car rides, dirty hands and runny noses, coughs...strange and different foods, micro organisms that I am defenseless against...I just now realized that I was and am, indeed brave. To tell the truth I can't believe that I left my comfortable world and had the courage to be the hands and feet of Jesus to the poor and defenseless children that I met. I am so blessed to have had this opportunity and privilege to tell their story.

My church is brave too. The bible verse, Luke 20:48 "When someone has been given much, much will be required in return; and when someone has been entrusted with much, even more will be required," comes to mind. Giving to build this orphanage is the "much required" and the fact that NHUMC did not neglect the call of the needy, and respond in love with food, housing  and clothing is something brave. By continuing to support these ministries and leaders we are dong the "much required." Don't stop being brave; for I have come to realize that doing without so that others can have is a requirement of God that takes bravery. Don't stop reaching out across the globe and in our community to comfort the lives of the less fortunate. Indeed, we are all blessed equally by God, rich or poor, clothed or without clothes, but our needs are not necessarily the same. At least that is my reflection this morning as the sun rises over the ocean below and I reflect on the words of this song playing in my ears.

Be brave.

Amy

Brave
(Nichole Nordeman, Jay Joyce)
For Charlie, who rearranged my fearful heart.

The gate is wide
The road is paved in moderation
The crowd is kind and quick to pull you in
Welcome to the middle ground
You're safe and sound and
Until now it's where I've been

'Cause it's been fear that ties me down to everything
But it's been love, Your love, that cuts the strings

So long status quo
I think I just let go
You make me want to be brave
The way it always was
Is no longer good enough
You make me want to be brave
Brave, brave

I am small
And I speak when I'm spoken to
But I am willing to risk it all
I say Your name
Just Your name and I'm ready to jump
Even ready to fall...

Why did I take this vow of compromise?
Why did I try to keep it all inside?

So long status quo
I think I just let go
You make me want to be brave
The way it always was
Is no longer good enough
You make me want to be brave
Brave, brave

I've never known a fire that didn't begin with a flame
Every storm will start with just a drop of rain
But if you believe in me
That changes everything
So long, I'm gone

So long status quo
I think I just let go
You make me want to be brave
I wanna be brave
The way it always was
Is no longer good enough
You make me want to be brave
Brave, brave